Sunday, 7 April 2013

Machinima hopes to fill gap left by G4

When the G4 TV channel ceased all production of video game related content, angry, house-bound women-haters across America (and some bits of the internet) lamented the once ground breaking network that sought to deliver relevant televisual content to gamers, then thought, "fuck it" and aimed their programming at  sexually confused 14 year old boys who love Call of Duty, homophobic and racist swearing and seeing women as talking wank-fodder. But in that void, the intrepid shills at Machinima have stepped in to fill the demand for soft core crap, that pursues the 15-25 year old male demographic like it cures cancer. By overstepping the boundary of good taste and setting the image of gamers back 20 years -both male and female alike- by hiring former G4 dude-bro at large, Kevin Pereria to produce a reality show, yes a fucking reality show called, "Player vs. Pain."  Which resembles the (should of been aborted) offspring of G4, MTV's Jackass and a stock parody of Japanese game shows. Except much more depressing.  Nothing surprising there, coming from a G4 refugee and Machimna's regretful transformation into IGN would spawn content that has a very low view of it's target audience. But the recent episode, that had two models playing Rockband while being whipped  on the arse and being electrocuted crossed the line even for most gamers on youtube. Yes, really, to the point where Machinima deleted the video. But thankfully, someone captured it and shared it for posterity.

EDIT: You could until today, except now Machinima has gotten the video deleted. I'm sure not because they're embarrassed or feel guilty or anything. So until someone uploads it again, make do with a image-courtesy of Forbes- of a paid model being smacked on the arse, and somehow has something to do with video games
"No, she's just re-connecting the guitar controller" 

UPDATE: The video is back up

"How about we shake things up, with a little girl on girl hot match!" If there was any justice, Machinima's head office would implode and  a small memorial stone would be in place of where the building once stood with that quote as it's epitaph. The fact that Machinima would like to sweep this under the carpet despite being mentioned in Forbes and Rock Paper Shotgun would have you believe this was a aberration. Bullshit, Machinima isn't some fan site. It's one of the biggest game-related content providers on the internet. The big white board in their office - with all the ideas and shows they want to make written on it- had this whole concept of insulting every gamer's intelligence by totally demeaning everyone on it was fully planed out and never saw a problem with it.
Because even if you're a brain dead fuck-tard, with a head full of self loathing and mummy issues and you don't see anything wrong in rolling out a couple of paid models (one can only assume no female gamer in her right mind would volunteer for it) to sting their backsides with paddles and  added electro-shocks, then throw a load of panties at them, while a poor man's version of the "I'd buy that for a dollar" guy from Robocop narrates like a sex pest, bragging about his latest train groping- then surely you must feel insulted at the previous episode where male players are given "atomic wedgies." Call me short sighted, but I don't see what's appealing to gamers to see other gamers given the  sort of treatment akin to school bullying. Essentially, Machinima sees every gamer as a pathetic little nerd who's only experience of being intimate with a woman was that one awkward valentines day, when their mum got really drunk. To them, you are a total sad case, who has concept of self respect and gets off on seeing women humiliated. There's certainly huge misogynistic streak to Player vs Pain, but no one, whatever gender, walks away with any dignity from that show. least of all head bro. Kevin Pereria himself. Just listen to how forced and hollow his commentary is on the video. You can almost envisage him tearfully masturbating over the part where one of the models shows her red butt cheek as proof of being hit, wondering to himself how his TV career ended up as a really crap BDSM director. Don't waste any pity on him. He's a TV presenter, he lost whatever humanity he had a long time ago to a sea of PR bullshit and endless repeats of "Cops." Because he hates himself, you must hate yourself too. Don't let that perma-tanned satan be right.


  1. 4:00 - 4:04 made me cringe the most

  2. Conceptually, the idea isn't all that bad. If you had two actual rock band/guitar hero gamers, introduced the element of pressure and see who could get the best score, the result could have been an interesting/amusing twist. (You need to remove all of what you've just seen from your mind though - no small task). All of the crappy "I'd buy that for a dollar" stuff, crap commentary, spanking etc completely removed. Just two gamers having a guitar off...with a twist.

    I'm not sure who this is actually trying to appeal to though. Wankers, like me, just turn to actual porn when we want to get off, so this doesn't appeal. Gamers, like me, want content that is actually rooted in gaming, so this doesn't appeal. Is it for people that are in denial about their desire to watch sexual content?

    1. The concept seems to be inacting Kevin Pereria's boyhood fantasies. I can only assume Machinima had a had on for his actual TV experience. Although they tend to be quite relaxed with their content makers, they always vet everything and will insist you edit anything that's slanderous, too violent or too sexual. That they watched it and thought it was perfectly fine says it all.