Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Ben Kuchera will save the games industry

I know everyone is right now chattering over the rumour that the next Microsoft console may block pre-owned games with activation codes and always on DLC. Well so far that's just rumour that someone told Edge magazine. It's hearsay, there's nothing concrete and nothing like the actual, real life defence of the games industry, and in turn games journalism that the lone hero, Ben Kuchera, the head of game coverage at popular (badly drawn) online comic, gaming convention organiser and practitioner of rape jokes, Penny Arcade.
Kuchera -or "Big Benny" as the graffiti in the toilets reads- is truly the last, great hope the entire games industry has. Oh yes, Big Benny is the lone soldier fighting everything that may threaten the pure alchemy of video games or the delicate art of games journalism. Especially against that demonic dick bag, Erik Kain at Forbes who wrote a disgusting little article about how to steal games. Can you believe it? Kain basically wrote about how you can play a emulated version of the never released snes game, Nightmare Busters. When a indie company is already making an actual cartridge release that you can buy at the same price as a new game today. Damn you to hell Erik Kain! If it wasn't for the ever watchful eye of Big Benny looking out for those poor innocent souls at Super Fight Team, who only dream of feeding all the little kiddies in orphanage they run by selling a cartridge of a cancelled 16-bit game at the same price it would of gone for back in 1993. Even though it was legal to play a emulated version, Big Benny put that horrible Mr Kain right in his place for daring to promote game piracy. Don't you know video game piracy is no different to lending Osama Bin Ladin a tenner? Thank Christ we have a noble protector like Big Benny Kuchera to name and shame the retched glamourisers of piracy like Erik Kain. Which you can read about on this entitled article from Something Awful. May every deity in existence bless you Ben Kuchera for harshly criticising the enemy of games journalism that is Erik Kain by hurling over exaggerated accusations and insults at him on Twitter. It's the only way the little shitter will learn. So here's to you Benny!
"Just doing my job ma'am"
And in no way is Sir Ben Kuchera -of the unfunny web comic- a crawling white knight (in the correct sense in that he's defending  something that didn't actually need defending in the first place) who is trying to crawl up the arse of yet another publishers. Shame on you for thinking such a thing.

...Unless it's really funny, in which case feel free to stick the boot in

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