Thursday, 31 January 2013

StarCraft needs drunken violence to go mainstream


As noted by the quiet hypocrites at eurogamer, Blizzard, the makers of popular RTS mainstay, StarCraft are quite happy with the rise in the audience for pro-gaming tournaments (or "esports" as the terminally stupid call it) thanks in no small part to the massive increase in viewership for the live streaming for game tournaments. The ubiquitous Major League Gaming has boasted a 334% growth in it's audience.
But Blizzard, and by extension Blizzards design production chief, Chris Sigaty wants to use that rise in audience as the foundation to persue the holy grail of any popular movement (after sponsorship), that being mainstream acceptance. And that would mostly mean getting StarCraft 2 tournaments on live TV, like they have in Korea. However, the chances that American television audiences will tune in, in their droves to watch  tiny sci-fi based RTS game is about as likely Morrissey getting married to Colonel Sanders (which is impossible on several levels). But Chris Sigaty has already thought of that, with his own actual brain no less. Because he knows exactly what the StarCraft brand needs to make that jump into mainstream, middle America, trashy reality TV!
Citing the rise in popularity of the Ultimate Fighting Championship in the States and the rise (but ignoring the currant fall) in ratings of UFC's punching-flavoured talent show, "The Ultimate Fighter", where a bunch of upcoming mixed martial artists all live in a house while they train and battle through weekly fights until the live final, where the eventual winner is awarded a UFC contract. But being a reality show, a healthy does of contrived events and situations are thrown in between all the cardio training and homoerotic posturing. So those young men are all cooked up in a house with no TV, no outside contact and unending supply of alcohol. So you get  a weekly supply of vodka fuelled carnage like this




So look forward to seeing DIMAGA getting utterly wankered on jaeger bombs, having a clumsy fight with his team mates and kicking a door in. Because the StarCraft player scene is well known for being a bunch of testosterone fuelled hell raisers. That being said, if you've met any pro-gamers then you'll know they're more than qualified in the arsehole stakes to star on reality TV, so Sigaty is on to something, he just needs  a more suitable format. Like...

"Entitled Island" -Where  gamers are sent to a tropical island, with no money and they have to survive purely on their own powers of complaining until someone gives them some food, clothes or shelter. The show continues until someone whines so much, they actually own the island.

"I Blame The Game" - In which contestants are instructed to act out unsociable behaviour -like swearing in libraries, kicking toddlers, pissing in toasters etc- and whenever a unwitting member of the public challenges them, the contestant must blame their act on a video game. If they manage to convince someone they only vomited on a nun because they played too much Dark Souls, then they win a cash prize.

"The X-Button Factor" - Talent show where gamers show off how many times they can press the X button on a controller in five seconds. If they can impress a panel of a closeted homosexual, a rampant cocaine addict and a amateur porn actress then they get to win total anonymity

"Shut Up Bitch!" - 10 female gamers are placed in a luxury apartment. The moment one says anything remotely connected to the subject of games, they're ejected for being a attention whore. Last woman left wins a years subscription to xbox LIVE

And that's that four examples some no-name blogger came up with. I'm sure the high intelligences and creative types that work in TV could trump those concepts with their eyes closed. Because we all know TV has always done a great job of representing video games


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