Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Anonymous Guest writer spot: EA will ban all Sim City players

Bit of a experiment here at Suicide Gaming. On account of me being too lazy to write anything at present (if you can think of a better thing to do than stalk the editor of The Escapist, I'd like to hear it) and the generally accepted fact that I suck at games journalism. Something I'm constantly made aware of by other games journalists, which is like being criticised by the ghost of Jimmy Saville for being a bad child minder. But in the spirit of progress, I have brought in a guest writer. A proper professional in the world of games journalism as well. Who, for the sake of their job, can not be named as it would harm their career to be writing on a blog for no money. So I thank (perhaps the first of many?) our guest writer and expert news aggregator, Benny Piecrust, to show this humble blog how it's meant to be done.

EA WILL BAN ALL SIM CITY PLAYERS FOREVER!









By Benny Piecrust

A bunch of entitled EA fanboys will get in the sticky hole because they've illegally been playing on the beta for the new Sim City game from EA. Gamers like that really need to understand that EA doesn't owe them free games and forcing their way onto a essential and painstaking process like beta testing will only lead to more closures in the high street.

UPDATE: Thanks to a recent attempt at actual research, we've now investigate further into the matter (by actually reading the website I nicked this story from) we now realise EA are clamping down on poor beta testing by threatening to ban lazy testers from all EA games. Which can only be a good thing for the games industry at large as one of the biggest publishers is actively looking to improve upon the BETA testing process. This can only be good for the high street retailer.

ANOTHER UPDATE: Upon putting my glasses on and extending my research to more than just looking at the pictures (happy now you whiny bastards) it actually turns out that moaning gits taking part in the open beta for the new Sim City, have abused the End User License Agreement (or EULA to us GMA winners) by coding game and high street breaking bugs into the new Sim City, resulting in a total ban from all EA games.

ANOTHER FUCKING UPDATE: Thanks to a reliable source at EA, we have now discovered that what has actually occurred is that beta testers for Sim City have all been banned from all EA games, past and present because they were all dossing about buying rare transformers toys on ebay when they should of been working (like I do) which is terrible for the entire games industry and  high street retailers. So stop going on about it and trying to correct me, you bunch of entitled wankers!

THE LAST FUCKING FUCKDATE YOU PRICKS: As the horde of tosspots online have told me, even though it's not their fucking business, the actual news story I copied is that the terms the EULA of the beta for Sim City states that EA reserve the right to ban a tester from all EA games for failing to report a bug. There, that's the actual story. You couldn't have just clicked on the link? Would have saved you, me and the high street the fucking bother of having to rewrite this old wank, when all you need to know is, Sim City is coming soon, so cunting well buy it! That's all you need to know you morons...God, I wish I could just write about transformers instead, that would be great. Penning great articles about the Autobits and the Deceptioncons and wanking myself retarded over Masterpiece Red Alert. Damn sight better than pointlessly trying to live up to the basic standards of the fucking geeks who read my news site. Fuck those sad bastards.


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