Tuesday, 13 November 2012

MCV pays tribute to their money paying overlords

Attention PR scum! Now is the time to lobby (by which we mean, pay) for your chance to show off your ability to get paid to contribute fuck all to the games industry, by submitting your foul practises to try and win big at the -not remotely coveted- 2013 MCV awards. Oh yes young lion, you could try and justify your pointless existence of organising events to smarm off hack journos as your glorified marketing team, doing white lines with that guy that used to the game reviews in the Daily Star and censoring the press
I know  you're thinking, "But how can win a prize aimed at celebrating games retail and marketing? I don't work for MCV's sugar daddy, Square Enix." And yes, known animal murderer, Squeenix sycophant and spaghetti thief, Lauren Wainwright will probably be part of the judging committee (someone has to count all the kickback money) but with a whopping 23 awards up for grabs/purchase at the ceremony, held at the Lancaster London Hotel, April 18, there's bound to be some catagory of recognition for your disgusting works. So if you feel your game or PR team can rival Square Enix for excellence in the further ruination of video games media then sign up now. Go on, go for it. You've already signed away your soul when you decided upon a career of brainwashing the masses and strangling UK  games journalism of whatever  legitimacy it has, so you've nothing to lose but the £275 for a seat at the event (or £2.699 for a table for ten) hosted by Gregg Davies, who hosted last years GMAs (you know, the one where the award sponsors went on a coked up rampage and had the cheek not to share their go-go dust with the rest of the attendees) so you'll be in capable hands in between stashing bottles of free wine and listening to everyone become one big echo chamber of self congratulatory, mutual masturbation about how some editor helped out so much with the UK launch of "Dr Fuck-knuckle 2" on the DS and the gamers (you remember them, the people that actually buy the product you're selling) are all, "entitled, whiny arseholes" who  cry over unimportant things like honesty and quality writing in games journalism, who clearly don't understand the important work your industry does for video games.

Just like the GMA does

Fuck those geeks, as MCV has clearly shown during the Robert Florence incident, advertising revenue is far more important than the audience. Because when was the last time any gamer sent you a shitty t-shirt or action figure? That's what makes the video games industry work, not those code-monkeys, beavering away on making new games, it's all about your great work in promotion. So get you applications in and with a bit of luck, the building will collapse on top of you and the rest of the amoral filth that comprises games PR.

1 comment:

  1. Heh, just found your blog. This is top drawer ranting, awesome stuff.