Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Eurogamer grows a spine: Wainwright did threaten to sue

Boy has this been a interesting few days. After much banging on their front door, Eurogamer has finally done the decent thing and made a statement on the Rabgate debacle. In a blog post, Eurogamer Editor, Tom Bramwell addressed the circumstances behind the editing of the article and Rob Florence leaving/being dropped and it turns out, the initial suspicions were correct. As Bramwell wrote,

"Lauren Wainwright threatened us with legal action and made it clear she would not back down, at which point we took legal advice and ultimately made the decision to remove the paragraphs"
Which goes against what the editor of MCV, Michael French said on twitter

Hence why most -me included- believed MCV was behind the leaning on Eurogamer to edit Florence's article. Plus how can a freelancer like Wainwrighthave the kind of cash to be able to threaten a libel suit? Legal costs are not cheap (the reason why the party that once threatened me with a legal suit dropped it), especially if you lose. So you can't fault Eurogamer for taking the threat seriously. Bramwell and maybe even Ellie Gibson (if she can be bothered to take a break from all her holidays) would never work in games- or any kind of journalism if they were the people who tanked a big time website. So fair play to Bramwell for setting the record straight.
And now we know Wainwright is a anti-journalist. Someone quoted her twitter, to make a point about games journalist getting too cosy. And instead of writing her own rebuttal piece and putting her side of the story across, she uses the UK libel laws to silence another writer. She actively tried to delete the flow of information and expression of one person's opinion. If it weren't for the fact that Florence's main work comes from TV writing, we'd never hear from him again and people would soon forget. It's a galaxy-sized joke this scummy, hack has the cheek to list herself as a journalist. Pray tell, what other atrocities has Wainright committed in the foul pursuit of free stuff?
This free Starscraft goodie bag was used to smuggle illegal sex-tablets

And here is her shelving unit, built by orphans, from pure ivory

That libel enough? No? Just be glad I'm not publishing the texts from when she had an affair with my ex. The spelling is fucking awful! Or the one occasion at last years MCM Expo, she set a baby on fire. I let that last one go, because it was me that borrowed her the lighter.

So now we know that Square Enix weren't involved in Florence's article being cut, but don't think what I've said before about how the PR game is played still isn't the law of things in games journalism. That's why most of the hack, game journos have stayed silent or brushed it off as if it's not important. Because it's only games, right? Well when people are relying on your opinion how to best spend their own money on a game, then it is fucking important. Because you may get lovely free stuff and party invites, thanks to the PR people. But without the readers, you have no job. It's those people at home, who visit your site daily that are the reason you get games sent to you in the first place and why companies want to buy ad-space from you. You have a professional responsibility, as a journalist/reviewer to be as honest for the sake of the audience. Or is that not important enough to distract you from your free Area 51 figurine, while you do lines of coke in a particular pub in Camden? It's no wonder so many gamers have little to no respect for games journalism, when the games journalists themselves have little to no respect for it either

Monday, 29 October 2012

UPDATE:latest news: "There is no corruption in games journalism"

How can there be anything rotten in games journalism? Despite the fact gamers are still discussing the fallout from "Rabgate"  (as only I seem to be calling it) where it's highly suspected that because the sentient bag of oatcakes that is Rob Florence, cast a light on his perceived suspicion of collusion between hack journos and PR people from game publishers, and how it looks bad in the eyes of one's audience. But don't worry. Kotaku's Stephen Totilo has cleared the whole mess up, by treating it as a non-story. As you can read -highlighted in the above image- he's more concerned with "doing good games journalism"...which he proves with the industry-breaking news that chips are going cheap in McDonald's in Japan. Well blow me down with a feather, there was me thinking (like pretty much every other person in the industry) that Kotaku was nothing but a glorified blog, when they  throw the games industry on it's fucking head with a cutting expose on the over saturation of potato-based food in Asia. No wonder the Japanese games industry is suffering a crisis. All those dev-teams must be stuffing their faces instead of making good games! Well done Mr Totilo, that Pulitzer Prize must be on it's way right now. Stick it next to your Crash Bandicoot mug, why don't you.

Granted, Totilo has stated, on twitter, that Kotaku will now cover Rabgate. Which is awfully big of them seeing as every other major site has stuck their head in the sand, hoping the air of discontent will soon blow over. MCV obviously aren't gonna say anything and neither will Gamespress International (as as they're owned by Eurogamer)  so that's the trade sites keeping silent and bar the odd opinion piece, like this one by Destructoid and the decent indie sites. As well as  the ongoing neogaf thread. When a forum is a better news source than established and/or trade websites for covering a fairly important story within the industry, something is wrong. Right now, the usual shower of twats that comprise the Gamespress forum, presenters or company hacks (that are too coked up to remember the time he drunkenly tried to chat up the girl from Namco-Bandai) will continue to dismiss this issue as nothing more than  a fanboy storm in a internet teacup. Let the nerds rant, they'll tire out and move on to the next subject to get pissed off about. Besides, all Lauren Wainwright did, by her own admission, was do do some freelance work for Square Enix.She hasn't reviewed any of their games...
Might be a different Lauren Wainwright?
Look in the bottom, left of the review
Ok,  that looks a little bad. But it's not as if Wainwright went and let the cat out of the bag and openly admitted that games journalism done purely as a business and the relationship with the PR people is paramount, in the comments section of a article about standards in games journalism, did she?  Oh wait, she did! And now MCV and Square Enix censor someone who brought the whole sorry business to public attention and threw a 25 year old freelancer, well and truly under the bus, so the internets can vent their anger at her, while the insidious, corporate collusion carries on as normal. Because while Wainwright did a really dumb thing. No way does she carry the kind of industry clout that could get a article censored and a writer dropped
EDIT: Turns out Lauren Wainwright DID threaten Eurogamer with legal action. Which would explain why she's gone silent over the matter. She must have really of wanted that free PS3?

Don't think this is some new phenomenon that crept into games journalism. Where do you think Paul Rose's (aka Mr Biffo) parody, games journalist, Insincere Dave  is based off? It's almost always been like that.
Now, you may ask, can a games publisher directly demand a website/magazine change it's content or else it'll cut off it's supply of review code, press assets and invites to press events? No, not really. It is, however, understood that if a publisher has bought a load of advertising space for a game about to come out and your site/publication has early or exclusive access to it, that wasn't done because they like you. They expect something in return. Like a good review score. If you put the boot in, then suddenly the PR people stop calling to invite you to press events and all review code has run out, and the publisher doesn't buy as much or any ad-space any more. Nothing is said (certainly not to the writers directly) but the implications are very clear. Not every publisher or PR firm is like that (Rockstar still are one of the good guys) but more than enough are, that someone on the inside had the guts to speak out about it. And he got fucking sacked. Again, nothing is said, but very much so implied. Speak out and we fuck you good and proper.
So when Lauren Wainwright and whichever media-studies degree waving, tossbag  gets caught up in the scandal, and is made a sacrificial lamb. Remember the companies that made this climate of corporate cocksucking will carry on as before. And worse yet, Rob Florence may even have another stab at making a video game TV show!

Friday, 26 October 2012

Accepting free consoles for promotion is bad? An explanation

Despite mainstream gaming sites going silent over the fallout from Rob Florence's leaving/sacking from Eurogamer, due to his article criticising the climate of accepting free stuff for favourable reviews within UK games journalism, and accurately describing the Games Media Awards as the self congratulatory gang bang of mediocre, coked up, hack games journos that it is. The internets are getting all hot and shouty over "Rabgate" as no one is calling it, as UK games journalism stumbles further into the gutter, as it was reaching for a free Tekken 6 mug..

Gamers have always suspected that some reviewers may have been "bought off" by the game publishers, and Florence cited the actions of MCV's Lauren Wainwright in particular, and how she partook in a competition to win a PS3 for hash-tagging a games publisher and her constant tweets about the new Tomb Raider. Published by a company she previously freelanced for. And the fact that her twitter background has imagery from the new Tomb Raider game. He didn't outright accuse her of being in Square Enix's pocket, but it certainly looked dodgy when her job is to review games and she's openly publicising  a game that's yet to be released.
Wainright's employer asks Eurogamer to edit out any mentions of her, Eurogamer complies and Rob Florence announces he's leaving Eurogamer, thus causing fans of the overrated, human biscuit tin to go apeshit online and cry foul play on MCV's part. That Eurogamer was threatened with legal action over Florence naming names in his article has been suggested by everyone and their sister, something that MCV has denied. Nonetheless, fans of Florence and the cynically minded have cited this as the proof of their long-term suspicions that publishers call the shots, when it comes to  the reviews of their games. And shedding light on it got Florence and Eurogamer into hot water. It didn't help that some pointlessly posted insults on Wainwright's personal website as well as her latest post on MCV. Great job on helping games media mature by acting like toddlers guys. Whoever accused Wainwright of flirting with Nintendo's PR to get a 3DS obviously isn't in UK games journalism, because Ninty's UK PR is so fucking stingy, you'd have to gang bang the entire PR firm just to get a Gameboy Advance!  But is the minor shit-storm anger justified?

I used the now infamous image of "industry leader" Geoff Keighley sat next to some corn chips and fizzy pop, because Florence used it as the basis for his condescending, but sadly censored article. That Keighley is sat next to obviously placed snack treats is a sure sign he's taken a kickback from Dorritios and Mountain Dew, right? Most likely not. He was publicising a video game awards show, that he would be presenting. If there's product placement there, that's something that's been decided by the award organisers (in this case, secret SOPA supporters, Spike TV) and even if Keighley did accepted cash for sitting next to some food, so what?  He's more of a presenter than an actual journalist (see also Jessica Chobot) and unless Mountain Dew or Doritos enter the world of games publishing, there's no real conflict of interest, right?
Not when it gives off the impression you're a corporate lap dog and your job involves people believing in your opinion in something.  If you're a games journalist and you help yourself to complementary food at a press event, there's nothing inherently wrong with that. Hell, without them, some journos would fucking starve. Poor Steve Hill is living off whiskey fumes after paying so much for his house in stab-town, North London. But being sat next to a big cardboard sign for Halo 4 is the real issue. Someone who people look to for an opinion on video games is sat, slap-bang next to a advert for a upcoming video game. But no one has really taken much notice of that, which is odd because that's more representative of what so many UK games journalists do. But it happens so much, everyone has become desensitised to it. It's why most of the hacks don't even see the conflict of interest it creates.

Some journos genuinely asked, "what's wrong with getting a free games console for promoting a video game?" And cries of how hard it is as a freelancer to afford consoles, so scoring one  for free is a much needed in their line of work

This is what entitled looks like

Well, unless the ghost of Dominic Diamond's career makes you compelled to be a games journalist for the rest of your  life,  why not do what the rest of the world does, get a regular or temp job and fucking buy your own. It's no wonder new game journalists are always asking, "How strict should I be with my review?" because they feel uneasy in giving a harsh write up to a bad game, because the PR people were nice enough to send you a review copy of their game, sprang for lovely canopies and designer beer and gave you a load of t-shirts and key rings (which you're best off giving away in competitions and not flogging on ebay like Dave Jenkins does), so long as you're fair in your critique, you shouldn't feel obligated to bump up your score of a game.  Or  you risk losing whatever credibility you have. Eurogamer's Dan Whitehead made a very good point, about the subject
"So how can you know when a writer is being sincere in their praise? Here's the horrible truth: you can't. It's a trust thing. And that trust is eroded when writers enthusiastically take part in PR and promotional stunts."

People often ask me, "Do games journalists get all their games for free?" And, on the whole, they do. If you're a freelancer or writing for a site with a ok-ish following, then there will be times you'll have to buy a game, simply because review copies are limited and all the big publications and websites get theirs first. Or it's an obscure game with little to no PR or has to be imported (like some people did to review Max Anarchy/Anarchy Reigns), so going to  press events to try and charm the PR into guaranteeing you review code is sadly a essential part of games journalism, if you're  starting out in the business, as we mentioned before.
But if you honestly can't see there's a difference between saying, "Hey, you should get this game because I think it's really good" and, "Hey this game is awesome #IwantAfreePairOfShoes awesome@capcom" then congratulations, you clearly have the lack of integrity and shame needed to be a UK games journalist. Now tell Dan Maher you love his work and that GMA is bound to be yours.

Thursday, 25 October 2012

Rob Florence humbly leaves (sacked by) Eurogamer

Hairy-balled egomaniac, Rob Florence, the (probably) self-proclaimed architect of online games media and comedy writer stepped down/was sacked from Eurogamer today over his opinion piece about a recent interview,  with industry name, Geoff  Keighley about the upcoming Spike TV Video Game Awards (or, "how viacom has their cake and eats it")  in which many gamers passed criticism about the glaringly obvious product placement around him.  Which is nothing major, as Spike TV would have insisted Geoff was sat next to a big fat-bastard bag of Doritos, while he talked about the future of games journalism. But still a  depressing visual metaphor on the state of games media as it stands.

He then talked about his observations in UK games journalism -and the mutual masturbation of egos that is the GMAs- and relationship between games journalists and games publisher's PR people.
"I keep an eye on people. I have a mental list of games journos who are the very worst of the bunch. The ones who are at every PR launch event, the ones who tweet about all the freebies they get. I am fascinated by them. I won’t name them here, because it’s a horrible thing to do, but I’m sure some of you will know who they are"
 Except, rather hysterically, he went ahead and named two journos in particular who had won PS3s by using a # to promote a game (published by a company that also sponsored the pre-award show drinks at this years GMAs) on their twitter feed. Which instantly got heat from one of the journalists mentioned, who cried foul, prompting Eurogamer to remove the offending passage. Which  we're about to quote, for your convenience.

"One games journalist, Lauren Wainwright, tweeted: “Urm… Trion were giving away PS3s to journalists at the GMAs. Not sure why that’s a bad thing?”
Now, a few tweets earlier, she also tweeted this: “Lara header, two TR pix in the gallery and a very subtle TR background. #obsessed @tombraider pic.twitter.com/VOWDSavZ”
And instantly I am suspicious. I am suspicious of this journalist’s apparent love for Tomb Raider. I am asking myself whether she’s in the pocket of the Tomb Raider PR team. I’m sure she isn’t, but the doubt is there. After all, she sees nothing wrong with journalists promoting a game to win a PS3, right?
Another journalist, one of the winners of the PS3 competition, tweeted this at disgusted RPS writer John Walker: “It was a hashtag, not an advert. Get off the pedestal.” Now, this was Dave Cook, a guy I’ve met before. A good guy, as far as I could tell. But I don’t believe for one second that Dave doesn’t understand that in this time of social media madness a hashtag is just as powerful as an advert. Either he’s on the defensive or he doesn’t get what being a journalist is actually about."


Pretty strong words from a guy who's games media credentials include a short-lived video series on Xbox LIVE and a TV show nobody saw. And pretty surprising Eurogamer published the original article in the first place, seeing as they're very careful of anyone making personal digs. Especially at other people in the business. I guess being a internet darling really does carry some weight? But the plot thickens.
As soon as the offending section was removed, people assumed that Lauren Wainwright's employer, MCV (an industry news site) had threatened legal action over Florence's allegation that Wainwright's journalistic integrity (if there ever was any) had been compromised for the sake of a free games console. Which MCV editor-in-chief, Michael French denied on twitter. Although Florence's twitter suggests different. I don't see what the fuss is all about. All Wainwright did was mention the new Tomb Raider in a positive manner. It's not as if she ever worked for Square Enix, like say...in between jobs for Playboy and News International?

At the time of writing Wainwright has removed Square Enix from her journalisted.com profile and has made her twitter private. Meanwhile, award-winning games journalist (I think the award is for swimming), gave a back track on his twitter that the console he won was for a competition, and has now been given away to charity. Well god bless your finely kept beard, Dave. That would be my excuse too!

Now, Rob Florence has always been a smug prick, who's only real contribution to games journalism is that he inspired a whole generation of talentless idiots, with camcorders to film their own gaming videos and stick them on youtube. Which, in turn, inspired people to make online videos about games that were actually good. And the Doritos next to Geoff Knighley was just Viacom swinging it's corporate dick about. But regardless of Florence's misplaced sense of importance, he does make a very good point, in that many gamers are becoming more and more suspicious of the legitimacy of the journalism they read. Granted, that's always gonna happen if you -as a reviewer- commit the crime of under/over-scoring a game. But when your job is to write about and critique video games, yet work for game publishers or out and out promote a game (that clearly isn't some obscure indie game that could do with some extra attention) it's clearly creating a conflict of interest. See also, Julia Hardy and the Outside Xbox lot.

The other, more important point is that a journalist-or rather their employer- silenced another journalist because they didn't like what was said about them. Florence didn't make any personal on either Wainwright or Cook. He made an observation on their public (in the sense that anyone could of seen their twitter feed) behaviour. If Wainwright or MCV had a serious problem with it, why didn't they write a rebuttal piece, explaining the situation? Instead of threatening another writer with the UK's libel laws? Or maybe think that openly accepting gifts from the very companies that you're supposed to be subjective about, raises serious questions about your credibility as a games journalist? Oh wait... if you're  a UK games journalist, you have no credibility. Never mind, carry on an enjoy the free booze and t-shirts

Wednesday, 17 October 2012

Oh look, more adverts on xbox LIVE

That new xbox LIVE update is good isn't it? What with the added Kinect options, less videos for silver account users and the sneaked in extra DRM (you did read the new terms and conditions, didn't you?), Microsoft are really spoiling you. Well, your xbox LIVE experience is about to be spoilt even more as it was announced today in MCV that low rent vendors of shit video game television, Attention Seeker Productions, will be infesting the coveted ad-space on your xbox dashboard with the inclusion of their glorified EA advert, pwned. Yes, it's really called that and is as thoroughly bland and unimaginative as you'd imagine it is. So they're a perfect fit for EA then.

Not only will you be able to watch constant infomercials about Battlefield and if John Terry can scream racial obscenities at you in Fifa 2012, with the inclusion of Fifa tips show, "The Boot Room," but Attention Seekers will also be producing original content too. So all of you pining for Inside Xbox, like it took your virginity, you now have an all new team if mediocre, hack, games media scumbags to fill those endless hours of waiting for RedTube videos to buffer out on the new internet explorer app.

And what a team it is. Not only do you have the combined presenting prowess of rat boy and  and Sky Sports nobody, but they also boast  the amazingly non-existent creative abilities  of Aoife Wilson and the gurning abortion that is Julia Hardy, who regular readers will know from the televisual shit-stain, that is Ginx TV. With that collective at work, who knows what kind of shameless, corporate cock sucking -in the name of games journalism- who occur?

I only wonder if this new series of videos will be taking the place of where Inside Xbox used to be, or -like IGN and GameSport are now- in the video section, locked off to silver account users? Or where they actually belong, the little ad-box, in the corner of every fucking page of the dashboard.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Eurogamer Expo is a hotbed of misogyny and youtubers

You may have read that UK games and body odour showcase, the Eurogamer Expo will not be including booth babes at future expos (like PAX have done) in the spirit of trying to drag gaming into the 21st century and remind everyone that an event about video games should be using the games to sell themselves, not jobbing models who are too  common for Nuts magazine. And all due credit to Eurogamer for trying to add a little class to their expo. Same can't be said for their open door policy to who they allow to cover it though.

People who are starting out in the god-forsaken world of games journalism ask me, "how do I get into these events to interview people and developers?" Well, it's piss-easy to get a press pass for the Eurogamer expo. So long as you have a website, blog or online video series, just fill in the application and wait for the confirmation to claim the coveted, white wristband at the event. Anyone can get in for free and cover the event. Even pathetic attempts at humour that will ultimately destroy your soul.
Someone commented that I should cover the glut of youtubers that cover video games, and this Argos chain wearing sack of broken chromosomes is a good example of the kind of rot that enforces the old -but sadly true- stereotype that all gamers are immature, scummy, borderline-rapists. Our case in point is the cunt (for lack of an exact term for what he does) KSI (or KSIOajidebt if you're gonna be pedantic) who when not representing PC maker, Razer, He's living his dream of thinking it's still 1998 and the purposely antagonistic questioning of random people is cutting edge comedy.
Wow, it's like Andy Kauffman never died! Good for you KSI, and your merry audience of emotionally-stunted, bottom feeders that view women as a sub-species. Actually making money from sexual harassment. I bet Jimmy Savile is looking down from Pedo Heaven and nodding in approval.
And before you start frothing at the mouth and brand me as a "white knight" (because treating everyone equally so fucking awful, right bro?) and throwing out the hilarious concept of "men's rights" (which are just fucking human rights), clam down young lion. I am already aware that the booth babe he motorboats clearly gives consent (and later confirmed on her twitter) and the Mountain Dew rep later accepted his apology. But what about the young girl at 1:10? Does she look over 18 to you? And even if she is, where on her ticket  did it say she would be subject to inappropriate questioning from a Fifa tournament regular, who takes delight in degrading all gamers for his own gains. She's a paying customer and should be free to look at and play video games without being creeped on or hearing the sad, fucking tired, "sandwich" joke for the billionth time. Of course the irony is, KSI asked about masturbation, when it's most likely his audience doing just that.
"Shut up homo. Pricks who hate women are part of out culture!"

That's the real sad thing. He's only enabling his audience to continue their downward spiral into a tragic life of blaming everyone for their own misgivings and never understanding why. Chances are most of his fans will grow into  bitter, lonely old men who will look back at their social failings and wonder what fucking happened and then die of their own fucking stupidity. Unless you're 14, you should be finding that video sad. So develop some social skills real quick or that strange, alien life-form you call a "girl" wont have anything to do with you.

Unless KSI does the decent thing and make amends to all his thousands of subscribers, and fucks all of them. And I mean all of them. Just imagine it, as a general act of kindness, KSI uses his ill-gotten youtube money and rents out the venerable Earl's Court to host "Analpocalyspe" in which he invites all of his subscribers. The event starts with KSI standing right in the centre of the main exhibitor hall, surrounded by all his fans. He starts off with 30 minutes of interpretive hip-hop dancing. Then he strips himself entirely naked, save his knock off gold chains, covers his entire retched body in Johnson's baby lotion and calls on his his audience to, "hop on my cock!"
There's a slight mummer around the audience...one young man walks out from the crowd and proceeds to kneel in front of KSI and tentatively opens his soft mouth. KSI eagerly slides his thoroughly greased appendage in and grunts in approval as his fan gently massages his now growing penis, like a gentle sea on a freshly beached whale. As the fan fellates KSI to near climax, the  atmosphere in Earl's Court grows intense -and not just because everyone fucking mings- as the huddled crowds can't repress their sexual ardour any longer. KSI had made something happen in their dickies and he is now obligated to satisfy their natural, biological urges and make them all men.
With one mind, the entire audience slowly close in around KSI, entrapping him in a circle of confusion and hormonal longing. KSI knew this moment would come. Even though his entire viewership are rampantly heterosexual,  his erotic display of oral love, in exchange for subs, was something he had clearly brought on himself. And he owed it to his loyal audience to let him experience the wild, animal, fratting that his day-to-day life probably entails.
In a heartbeat, the horny mob advance upon KSI and he's quickly wrestled to the ground. He can barely see as all around him is a sea of hands: grabbing, probing, scratching every square inch of his turgid, flabby body. After some twenty minutes of being passed around like a baked ham amongst starving children, the crowd become more organised and begin to file into smaller groups of six or seven. The first group promptly surround KSI and lift him up from the floor and hold him in a bent over position. Immediately, KSI's anal cavity is invaded by the unrepentant penis of Aimia4, who lets out a orgasmic yelp as he violently jerks his throbbing cock in and out of KSI's greatful arsehole. Aimia4 looks over at rezart96 -who has ejaculated so much man-jam into KSI's mouth, it looks like he's lactating spunk from his nose. The very sight of which cause Aimia4 to finally let loose and unleash a veritable tsunami of seamen and then collapse over KSI's battered body and is immediately dragged off as the next group step in to gouge both of KSI's holes with their meaty weapons. XDiScONeCtX is too eager and almost cripples KSI with the sheer might of his obesity, as he jumps on top,  but things carry on as he starts to stimulate his dick between the lubricated buttocks of the king of all gaming and comedy on youtube. "What an honor" thought XDiScONeCtX "to finally experience hot shagging from the funniest man on the planet. If only my penis was long enough to violate his (now weeping with spunk) butt hole", but alas he had already jizzed and that was him done.
KSI's was  fatigued by such a vigorous sex assault and it was clear that his body, or rent on the building, would not last long enough to satisfy everyone at the pace they were going. There was only one thing to do. This is what he wanted, this is what he started and by Spooney, he was gonna finish it. He could barely see after all the accidental cock-insertions in to his eyes, but he could make out the fizzy outline of all his fans, yet to be sexually sated. He dribbled out what remained of MCanlass' porridge-like sperm and shouted, "EVERYONE JOIN IN!"
An absolute fucking frenzy broke out as every one in attendance swarmed on KSI. Blow job, arse fuck, hand job, in the eye, in the ear, it didn't matter so long as some part of them was inside some part of him! There were so many bodies clamouring on top on KSI he was barely visible. No one was waiting their turn now. Tomatope and seannexe were rhythmically sliding their raging dicks in and out of KSI's over streetched mouth, while MineCraftTVUK and Jakechitty 1 did the same to the arse, all while Bjarni Blahamar was sucking on KSI's weather-beaten wang, like a newborn calf would suckle on a mother cow. At this point it's impossible to make out individuals. KSI ,at this point is merely a conduit for all these loveless  morons to finally experience some kind of congress. In essence, he is right now, a human condom. Protecting them from meeting and engaging with actual human beings. No, all the love they out poor now into every orifice was a beautiful return of support for making him the king of all the wankers who think their opinion are so import, it has to be committed to video. "They all love me now" KSI thought, "Who cares if Eurogamer has banned me from their expo. I'll just do this every year. Miles better than that gay shit with the video games."

...that got a bit dark, didn't it. Well, I blame KSI for  encouraging such behaviour. Look at him, he's bloody asking for it! Thankfully Eurogamer has actually banned him. Maybe they should a little but more discerning on which mouth-breather they issue a press pass to?

Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Reverb need better PR people...they also hate animals

The thing about PR people is, their minds don't work like the rest of humanity's. Their world is superficial, their language is bullshit, double-speak. They're the people that coined the phrase, "There's no such thing as bad publicity" yeah? Tell that to Gary Glitter. Of course PR in video games is no exception. For some reason, more often than not, publishers hire the most odious, amoral, coked-up arseholes to be in charge of their marketing and public relations and totally trust them to go through with whatever mental idea that pops into their drug-frazzled brain. Lest we forget the genius idea (that  never went through after public outcry) Acclaim had to promote Burnout 2, to pay off any speeding ticket for anyone who bought the game.

Well, Reverb Publishing have kept up the tradition of stupid PR moves in video games with the little for their latest digital title, Edge of Space. Reverb put out a statement that if Edge of Space got approved on Steam Greenlight, it would donate  $5000 to the Humane Society. So essentially, Reverb is exploiting people's love of animals to drum up support for their title. Not exactly a moral way of promoting a game, but at least it would mean some money goes towards the lovely animals right?

But this if gaming PR, remember? Reverb went for the obvious hard sell with a shameless attempt at guilt-tripping gamers,
"if the game doesn't get approval, that money will disappear, like a puff of smoke in the uncaring wind, leaving poor kitties to survive in the harsh elements, be placed in harm's way and possibly scheduled for euthanasia. The challenge is out there, and for a simple 'yes' vote on Steam's Greenlight consumers can actively take a role in saving the lives of kitties."

So, in a nutshell, their promotional campaign adds up to, "SUPPORT OUR GAME OR THESE KITTENS WILL FUCKING DIE, AND IT'LL BE ALL YOUR FAULT FOR NOT LIKING OUR GAME!"  Whatever happened to free posters and key rings?

As you can imagine, this shameless exploitation of innocent animals caused a bit of a furore with both Reverb Publishing and Edge of Space developer, Handyman Studios, causing Reverb to quickly backtrack. Speaking to Eurogamer, Jake Crane, from Handyman, stated, "Hey everyone! There has been a misunderstanding on the marketing side of Edge of Space. We do not support guilt voting in any way and our sincere apologies go out to anyone who felt that way." So it looks like the PR people did one line too many and went with whatever, bat shit, crazy idea it could come up with.
So Eurogamer approached the morally lacking scabs at Reverb for a comment and it turned out it was all one big lie,
"Even before the promotion was approved Reverb had decided to make a donation of $5,000 to the Humane Society today, this was just a fun way of drumming up some attention for the game. The release was meant to grab attention and call readers to action, but we regret if we made anyone uncomfortable or angry with its content.


 So Reverb, not only exploited animal lovers publicity, but they also lied about it too. Which, in the grand scheme of things, is better as the Human Society gets their $5000. Lesson learnt then? No, it's PR! no one ever learns anything. Reverb's vice president, Doug Kennedy dumped a load of righteous indignation on Edge of Space's Steam Greenlight page,
"I challenge anyone else on this board to make a donation to the Humane Society, I committed $5000, and we requested a vote of YES for the game. If anyone did their homework you would know we have made a variety of donations to animal organizations. if you don't want to vote for the game I fully respect that, if times are tough and money us tight a "yes" vote would be greatly appreciated, provided the company continues to do well, we will continue to fund and support a number of animal organizations, either way its a win - win for the kitties. (Lastly, does anyone really think that that we were not going to make the $5000 donation, come on folks, seriously? I've been in the industry for 20 years, I remember when it was fun, lighten up a bit and appreciate the fact that a great organization like the Humane Society is getting a ton of attention and a nice contribution)."
 No offence Douggy, but unless you can prove it, I don't believe you even donated five fucking cents to the Humane Society. And even if you did, it doesn't excuse your company trivialising animal death for the sake of publicising a video game. You made a dumb idea, it blew up in your retched face. It's no one else's fault but your own. Deal with it and move on, try to learn your lesson and shut up about it if you can't give a simple apology.

But if any of you reading are gamers who love animals, then let me go off topic and draw your attention to the plight of The Gaming Goose. One of the few genuinely interesting and funny gaming people on youtube. Thing is, his dog, Lily was born with cataracts. But the surgery costs over $6000. He's been able to pay for half, but needs help to save Lily's other eye. So check his site for details and make a donation to a legitimate worthy cause