Thursday, 11 August 2011

Cocaine sales expected to rise in late October

That's because in an industry that hates itself, and the medium it writes about, it's good to congratulate those that actually want to be game journalists and are actually quite good at it. Thus the annual Games Media Awards (GMA) raises it's drug addled head on October the 26th, where Greg Davies (that guy that plays the really tall teacher in The Inbetweeners)  will spout autocue drivel to a audience of the usual shower of thieves, drug addicts and borderline autistics that comprise the great and the good of games journalism.  The list of nominations can be seen here, comprising of the top people in video games media, be it: magazine, website, blog, podcast. And in all honesty, pretty much all of those listed deserve it. With maybe the odd (to some) omission

But I invented games media!


Maybe some of you are wondering why The Gadget Show, Gameface/The Blurb isn't listed. First of all The Gadget Show isn't a gaming show per se and the fact that their "gamer" Jason Bradbury refers to all games as "computer games" should tell you all you need to know about his gaming knowledge. And Gameface/ Blurb isn't on because it fucking sucks worse than Blues Brothers 2000.
Personally I'd like the Guardian to win best newspaper coverage, as keeping such a consistent level of writing while juggling a mild coke habit and a Thai mail order bride has to be admired. Same goes for  Destructoid's Hollie Bennett. Not because she's an amazing writer, because she's not, but seeing as Destructoid's readership is like xbox live, in print form, all her feedback is either:"STFU U stupid but4ch3 bitch!" or: "Wow Hollie that was amazing, now that I've payed you a complement, I'm entitled to wank your bum off" So anyone who can put up with that, deserves a spot in this business.
One thing that puzzles me is the inclusion of ready up in the best blog category. I mean, there are hundreds of blogs and this collection of  creepsplagiarists and attention whores get shortlisted? If I could be bothered to write daily content (it's quality over quantity with me chaps) then I could get more hits than those ball sacks. hell, any of you could just by shouting out of your window. In an unjust world where rioting twats destroy Sony's storage warehouse (how am I supposed to buy Stewart Lee dvds now?) yet Eurogamer's building still stands, I have an awful feeling Ready Up might just win.

Monday, 1 August 2011

game related crap alert

As video games have staggered into the mainstream, merchandise has moved with the times. From crap t-shirts and badly sculpted action figures  of old to properly designed statues and smartly marketed toys (like those Angry Birds plushies, that you can throw at your little brother) that target the fan base properly. For example, replicas of the weapons from shoot 'em up and action games. What can be cooler than that? Proudly displaying an accurately produced, life size cog lancer. I'll tell you what could be cooler, replicating the excitement of playing a modern video game with a dice and little plastic figurines on a piece of cardboard.

Grey paint sold separately

According to the PR blurb from Esdevium Games

The game comes bundled with over 200 cards, 75 tokens and 30 plastic figures based on both the COG forces and the Locust horde. Players will be able to use classic tactics from the video games, including Roadie Running from cover to cover and ripping enemies in half using the Lancer.

Brilliant, in fact, why play Gears of War 3 at all? When you've got the heart stopping excitement or a throwing a dice, picking up a card and moving a little plastic Cog soldier about! Take that Epic Games, we don't need your high definition graphics and tightly honed gameplay, when all my shooting action is decided by a random number generating cuboid. The only drawback I can see is, there's no real life xbox live to find people for you to play with. And if you buy (or want to buy) this item, then chances are you think friends is an American sit-com with the chick out of Masters of the Universe in it.