Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Games Journalism 101: "Style"

As a failed games journalist that is leaving the party, he was never really invited to, it seems fair to impart my knowledge and experience in the business, should you feel the need to step into the world of games journalism. In all honesty, you would be smart to do the opposite of what I've done. So if you've played more than one game, like the idea of snorting coke off of a 3DS touchscreen or you're just a shameless shill who lives for free t-shirts. Then read on! This entry in the series will look at "style"
More often than not, you'll see a job ad or request from the editor to write a pitch for an article of example of your writing: "in the writing style of the website/magazine."
"In the style of" means: "Exactly like." Look at the reviews, news posts and articles on the site or magazine, observe the structure of how they're written and the language used: jokes, use of metaphors etc. And write something exactly like it.
A site or publication likes to have a single identity. That means one voice, one personality. Not several different ones. Which is why some reviewers get asked to be more forgiving with their scores, thus giving a consistent, overall, opinion to whatever games they cover. An editor is not looking for the next Charlie Brooker. They don't want someone to exhibit a flair for expressing an opinion,  playing devil's advocate on a hot topic, or injects their writing with humour. They want someone who can knock out a -by the numbers- piece, that doesn't need any editing and meets the deadline.
I use Charlie Brooker as an example, because although he's become successful and relatively well know -as a critic/writer and Konnie Huq fucking, misery guts- nobody knew who he was when he was a games journalist. It's only when he left to work for more legitimate  press, his own personality came through and got peoples attention. And Brooker's not the only one. 
What you have to understand is, Editors - on the whole- don't like being in the games business. Like everyone else, they look down upon it. Instead of wading through waves of obese Pokemon cosplayers at events or reviewing whatever Dynasty Warriors game has come out this week, they'd much rather be writing the great unwritten novel or doing the one hundredth rewrite of their fucking awful sitcom. They want to be the ones breaking out of games and fucking a crap TV presenter.
That's not to say, there aren't any gaming sites that encourage creativity and individuality. But they either pay very little or no money. And then the only thing you'll be writing is an application form for shelf stacking job at tesco. If games journalism is something you want to do. Then that means starting off doing the same standard writing, on demand. It'll make you soul cry, but it will teach you the importance of keeping to a deadline, learning to edit down or stretch out a piece and -if nothing else- improve your grammar and spelling. Because editors hate to actually edit. So the less they have to change, the better.
Just remember, if you do actually want to express yourself, creatively. The games journalism isn't the place to do it. It's gonna be the first step to bigger and better things. And if you just like getting games for free, then go for it. Just ask yourself, would you rather finger Ellie Gibson? Or accidentally hang yourself, in a  sex game gone wrong with one of the Saturdays?
I know which I'd prefer.

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

More Green Lantern game awesomeness!

As you see in the trailer above. The first gameplay trailer for the Green Lantern game is now available to view, with your own eyes, if can believe such a thing. In it you can hear the movies star: Ryan Reynolds reciting the Green Lantern oath.
And even though he's delivers it with all the enthusiasm of a dead crow, he's still not good enough to be in the 5-star Wii and DS versions, which are going to be amazing in every way, shape and form. And even though I won't be able to get an early go on this sure fire gem at London expo, I will fulfil my duty to my viewership (cheers for the mention on twitter, Liam) to keep you up to date this game. And if it isn't the best game ever, I'll fuck my dog right in the ear! Which would still be far from the most disgusting thing someone in the games biz has done.

Monday, 18 April 2011

Green Lantern on the 3DS must be the best game ever! Says MCM Expo

If you weren't aware. The MCM Expo  has been going for around ten years now. Hosting events for fans fo comics, movies and manga/anime fans alike around the country. In recent years it's added gaming to the mix, and has grown to be a impressive part of the event. Even better than the Eurogamer expo. In terms on new games previewed, at the very least.
At last Octobers London Expo, they had the first playable versions (in the UK) of Marvel vs Capcom 3 and The Goldeneye remake, amongst many other games. The one coming up, over the weekend from the 27th-29th of May seems a bit different. In the run up to the event, you normally get sent notification emails about all the events and guests that will be at Expo. And there's only been one.
The confirmation that the Wii and 3DS game of the Green Lantern film (which looks like a fan made movie) is listed as the only game at the entire event!  Which can only mean, the game is so amazing, that no other publisher wants to get totally overshadowed by Green Lantern's mind blowing gameplay. So much so, that it seems even the normal collection of star guests are afraid to be in the same building as such a colossal step in game play. The cowards!
It's times like this I wish I wasn't quitting the business. Because as much as I'd like to play this -bound to be- epoch making game. I'm not paying to go to an event crawling with the usual motley crew of attention whores, mouth breathers and PR scumbags (Yes, Rising star games, I'm looking at you). But if dressing up as your favourite fictional character, buying some cool stuff and catching herpes off a 15 year old, obese harlot, then sign up for a ticket!

Thursday, 7 April 2011

The Sun hates 3DS, for some reason

That great bastion of legitimate, unbiased and quality journalism: The Sun, seems to have developed some sort of personal problem with Nintendo's latest hand held console: the 3DS.
They've been "reporting" that the console has seen "record return levels" (they obviously never heard of the Sega Saturn) -something both GAME and HMV have denied.
They also delved into the non-story of some reports of people experiencing migranes or dizzyness, due to prolonged exposure to the 3D effect, you get from looking at the 3DS screen. Most normal people would read the instruction manuel and follow the guidlines not to look into the screen for more than an hour and to turn the 3D effect off on the screen if very young children are playing. But not the Sun, oh no.
The Sun's very own doctor (who's probably the kind of person who thinks you can cure homosexuality drinking the silicone from Jordan's tits) carried out a series of tests on some fat cunt. He concluded, the fat cunt's pulse and blood pressure increased during play. Read all the accurate scientific analysis  utter bollocks right HERE
And if that wasn't enough. The Sun's business editor has linked the supposed rash of severe migranes and demands for refunds to the recent departure of Ninty's head of PR!
If anyone from the Sun is reading, look. Nintendo are really stingey with giving machines out. Don't take it personally, just save up and buy a 3DS. Or hack the phone of some premiership footballer, and black mail them into getting you one. Ok?